Today i just have to wait for 4 am tomorrow since that’s when i have to get up for work on saturday. I basically just played video games all day until i find a way to get enough sleep for work. I miss her very much still even though i did nothing today, but i still feel empty inside and sometimes i enjoy it since its a feeling I’ve been used to when i was growing up. She did make my night with this.
I woke up almost not going to work, but I really do need the money no matter how much I dislike being a labor worker until said otherwise. I still feel empty inside and I don’t think that will change at all. I just tap into my anger when I workout, but when i had to walk to the other side of the park I got a little angry and sad when i walked past certain places and when memories came flooding into my mind. The good thing about working is that when we finally have projects to do my mind is really focused on that and I’m good for a while. After work and school i ended up calling her and got to have a long talk with her for like 2 1/2 hours and it was so great to talk to her, but my heart my jumping throughout. It’s great she talked to me for that long time, but i can’t look at that as her being romantically interested in me again because i truly don’t know how she looked at it and i shouldn’t jump to that. I say this because idk if she wants to love me, keep around as friends. I do know that she must find out things herself, but what are they is my question to myself and only time will tell. I ended up watching the movie warrior again to see if i can get some clarity about this empty feeling, but nothing so far.
I woke up just basically wanting it already to be 10 pm. There is a party tonight with a bunch of sea world people and I’ve just want to kill time until that time of day comes. I just sat at home until playing video games for sometime. My mind thinks of her a good amount of the time today, but thats ok i guess. When i finally got to the party it was awesome meeting new people and seeing a good amount of friends, but when I kept seeing couples around me it makes me feel so empty inside. I thought about getting drunk, but the thought of it just wasn’t that appealing at all. Overall had a ok night, but happy Halloween.